All Aboard!

4 Wigs And A Funeral...I don’t intentionally put things off until the last minute. It just so happens that “the last minute” is when I am at my best. My husband calls me the “Wing It Queen.” I can wing my way through almost anything. Well, maybe not everything. Imagine my surprise when we received the phone call that my first husband's brother (we’ll talk about the first marriage another day) had passed away. My first question was, when and where will the services be held? My entire life is scheduled around chemo. Believe me when I say, we were not putting off chemo for the ex-brother in-law. I informed my oldest daughter that her uncle had passed away and out of respect for their family we would be attending the services. Besides, it’s the right thing to do. I found an outfit for Tayla. We'd laid everything out on the couch. The goal is to pack the car with everything that she has laid out, pick her up early from school, dress in the car and head straight to the service. I’ve got plenty of time. The service isn’t until 2:00 p.m., and I know exactly what I’ll be wearing. No stress!!!

So, imagine my surprise the night before when I can’t find my wig. I’ve got plenty of them. I just want the cute, short spiky one. It’s got burgundy highlights ... does that not spell "funeral" to you? I’ve looked everywhere. I have a box of wigs under the bed. Surely, it’s in the box. Nope, no wig to be found. Okay, let’s move on to plan B. I refuse to stress over the missing wig. It’s probably in the closet. So, I spend an hour tearing it apart. Nope, no wig! Okay, now I am aggravated. I can’t decide if I am more aggravated over the misplacement of a wig, or that I am going through so much trouble for the ex in-laws. They don’t know about the cancer and I don’t think a funeral would be the best place to have the discussion. It’s bad enough that the chemo has changed my finger nail color to shades of dark gray, I have an eye infection, no eyebrows and perhaps only two or three eyelashes that are holding on for dear life. I am determined to look as if everything is ok.

Then it dawns on me. I can run to Statesville and pick up a new wig. I’m going to bed. No more stress. The store opens at 10:00 a.m. If I leave home by 9:00 a.m., I’ll be their first customer of the day. I can try on a dozen or so wigs and be looking like Halle Berry by 12:00 noon. That’s my plan and I am sticking to it.

The worst thing about a Wing Queen shopping is going with a mind set. I was determined that the new wig would be short and funky with some highlights. Oh dear Lord, where are they hiding the short, cute wigs? Time is not on my side, nor can I find the wig that I want. Crap, I am going to have to wing it once again.

Okay, so the dark brown wig with blonde highlights is kinda cute! Is it funeral cute? Gosh I hope so, cuz I just plopped down the Visa card and I think I’m looking kinda cute. Besides, the woman that was helping me has reminded me of the store policy of only trying on four wigs. She was also running out of steam and she really doesn’t care that the funeral is only a few hours away. She apparently doesn’t understand the “Wing It” concept.

I pick up Tayla from school. The wig is on. I can look at any 15 year-old and tell exactly what they're thinking. Besides, Tayla has my eyes. We can’t hide anything. Our eyes are a dead give away to what’s about to come out of our mouths. Okay, I'm ready. The teenager is about to speak. I brace myself for her honesty … “Mommy, it looks good.” She knew before I could ask.

So, off to the funeral we go. To this day, no one knows that I wore a wig or that I am going through cancer for the second time. I penciled in the eyebrows, added some soft chocolate gray eye shadow (to mostly cover the lump on my eye lid) and added some ruby red lipstick to my lips. I've decided that I will use the lipstick as a distraction. If all else fails, they can just think I went a little too far with the lipstick.

Now you’re probably wondering where was the original, burgundy spiked wig? I am not too embarrassed to report that it was in the back of my car. Yes, I am one of those people that if it's too hot, I will pull off my wig and send it flying to the back seat. Yes, while in traffic, probably scaring someone to death. It was underneath Tayla’s bat bag, which should have been out of my car over the weekend. Yes, the Wing It Queen is going to blame all of this on Tayla. However, I can’t be too mad at her, cuz I looked good that day and my ex-in laws knew it!