Thursday, January 29

Huggable Trouble...I really didn’t plan on hugging her. It just kinda happened. For the most part, I never thought that

I would see her again. There she was in all her glory. She seemed nice enough. It was one of those awkward moments where you don’t know what to do. So what did I do? I hugged her. Not a hug that says, “Let’s be friends.” But, a hug that says, “I know what you’re going through.” Yikes, I don’t think I was supposed to give off that vibe. She did seem somewhat surprised when I embraced her. But once again, I didn’t know what else to do. I am one of those people that believe that someone should always be talking. I don’t like long moments of silence. So, I tend to yack on and on about nothing at times. And since I didn’t have anything to say, I thought … Oh just grab her and hug her.

I think he was as surprised as she was. I know he didn’t see it coming. Who would have? He was tall, distinguished and wore a wide brim, taupe colored hat. He was the type of man that you noticed as soon as he walked through the door. So, I must admit that he was a good choice.

I saw him immediately, and I know that he saw me. Not a look where our eyes locked and the theme from The Sound of Music played in the background, but a distant look. Was he about to pretend that he didn’t remember me? Or was he praying that I would just go away? No, I’m not one of those women that will be ignored. Does he not remember Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?

I had only seen them together one other time. Does she not know who I am? Okay, sadly I must admit that I knew he was married. There was no doubt in my mind. They talked about their children. I am also married with children. From what I can remember, the children were older. They were reminiscing about the children growing up and she mentioned his mother for some reason and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I really didn’t want to know much about the family. I think it just makes things harder if there are too many attachments.

Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. YES, I slept with him. It wasn’t intentional. I hadn’t even planned it. I think it actually had more to do with one of those long moments of silence. I didn’t know what else to do and talking wasn’t an option. I assumed that she knew ahead of time. Couldn’t she look at me and tell what was about to happen? People have always said that my eyes are a dead give-away as to what I’m thinking.

We hadn’t seen each other since our first chemo treatment together. The medicine in my chemo knocks me out completely. I always ask my nurse to give me the “good stuff” first so that I can catch up on my sleep. He had the same plan. We only talked for a few moments and then we both feel asleep.

She laughed at our odd sense of humor. Yes, in front of her we joked that we would be sleeping together. For some reason she gave me the sense that she thought it would be a good idea. Or at least that’s my side of the story and I’m sticking to it.

Perhaps he talks a lot too. Perhaps she did enjoy the silence, or the fact that nobody would be talking. Perhaps she just wanted to reminisce back to a time when the children were young and he didn’t have cancer. Perhaps she just wanted to watch him sleep peacefully and remember when life was oh so simple. But, perhaps she just wanted to feel the embrace of a stranger that knew what she was going through. After all, sometimes it’s just a vibe that we feel when someone needs a hug.

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